Good morning, my loyal subjects. This is Chad from HR. Your back-alley meme dealer. Buckle up, buttercups.
Out of 500M daily tweets, only a handful deserve your attention. This week, the internet gods blessed us with a perfectly-timed story about a CEO and his head of HR. A story so wild that we are dedicating the entire first issue to it.
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HOW IT STARTED
Chad would never put himself in this situation. This is a junior varsity mistake.
HOW IT’S GOING
When the Astronomer CEO logs on to LinkedIn
— #greg (#@greg16676935420)
4:10 AM • Jul 18, 2025
THIS WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS
Don't ever cheat at a Coldplay concert!
— #TheRealThelmaJohnson (#@TheRealThelmaJ1)
8:12 AM • Jul 18, 2025
If you don’t know your numbers, you don’t know sh*t about your health. Try Function today and find out which blood tests your doctor is keeping from you. If you dare.
JUST LIKE THEY DREW IT UP
Coldplay Cameramen: “Find me a couple. Mid 50s. White. Holding each other but looking around a bit too much. I want fear and lust in their eyes. Someone who pretends to know the words to the songs but doesn’t. Perfection.”
— #Autism Capital 🧩 (#@AutismCapital)
2:28 PM • Jul 18, 2025
THE COUCH IS FILING A COMPLAINT
4D CHESS
It’s not over for Andy Byron. This is his Hawk Tuah moment. He needs to launch a podcast and a memecoin.
— #Ed Elson (#@edels0n)
9:12 PM • Jul 17, 2025
THE VIRUS IS SPREADING
HOW TO GET RICH IN 2025
How to get rich in 2025:
For every $100 earned in wages in the US, there is $20 inherited.
Passive income hack.
More: economist.com/finance-and-ec…
— #Chad from HR (#@theChadfromHR)
5:48 PM • Jul 20, 2025
Another tactic: divorce your CEO husband who just returned from a Coldplay concert.
Coldplay released two new singles last night 🤭
— #vinniemontoya🌻 (#@PiperDewn)
3:36 AM • Jul 18, 2025
If your CEO dresses like this, you don’t need to worry about seeing him on a Coldplay jumbotron
— #Robert Sterling (#@RobertMSterling)
2:56 AM • Jul 19, 2025
C-suite with cuffed pants is the tried-and-true signal that your company is on stable financial footing.
just know our sides are always HR approved 🥶
— #KFC (#@kfc)
3:31 AM • Jul 19, 2025
You know it’s bad when the Colonel is getting involved.
CHAOS IS A LADDER
We are launching a hostile takeover of LinkedIn here! We are always #availableforwork.
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